The Day My Auntie Insulted Me

I know you’re all dying to know who is this ‘someone’ and that you hate me for keeping you in suspense. Well the wait is over. Let me introduce you to Khadeja Sana. She’s Muslim, young, pretty, a smart dresser who covers her hair. She even has a blog, just like me: becomingsana.blogspot.com.au

No, no, don’t worry, I didn’t fall in love again, on the contrary. I’m talking about my 18-year old ex’s aunt. Fond of me at the beginning, she ended up sending me the worse message ever via Facebook. (Apparently I can make good first impressions but that doesn’t last.) My crime? As I said in my previous post, I took off my relationship status of Facebook. Judge for yourself. For non-Farsi speakers, begharat means someone without pride. Warning. This message contains strong language and sexual references from the outset and throughout. (Thank you MTV)

I think this little work of art says more about its author than anything I could add. I’m sorry I didn’t reply sooner auntie San. You see, I tried to call you. Looks like you blocked my number. I guess things are easier when one is hidden behind a screen. I have to say I’m a bit disappointed by your little essay. You could have made it more personal. You could have attacked me on my many flaws. Insulting someone is so common. You could have written that to anybody. Now I don’t feel special anymore. I have to admit that the immigrant part is funny though. I didn’t realize you were an Aboriginal Australian. Aren’t you the daughter of Afghan refugees? That would explain the spelling mistakes in your message. Little tip from a French immigrant: ‘epidemy of begharat’ doesn’t mean anything. I think you meant epitome, right? And one last thing, you mentioned the phone your niece gave me. You should check the Holy Quran 2.264. It’s about reminding people of your good deeds… you’re not supposed to do it.

Reactions

People around me were really shocked by the kind of language used. ‘How is your relationship her business?’ ‘Is she crazy?’ ‘The last paragraph… WT*?!’ ‘I’m sure you won’t come close to an Afghan again.’ (Coming from an Afghan) My mother’s reaction was more balanced: ‘Aren’t you shocked?’ ‘I’m happy they didn’t kill you. […] You know these people are a bit backward.’ ‘But she’s veiled. How can she talk like that?’ ‘You still don’t know that people may seem good from the outside but aren’t always inside?’ Dear Khala Sana, I have to thank you. Your scatological letter, (I’m sure Freud would have a lot to say about that too), helped me to  take my decision. I was still hesitating about my relationship with your niece. You gave me an answer. So merci (tashakor in French)! But the real disappointment in all of this, was my ex’s reaction. To be continued…

The Day My Life Turned Into a Bollywood Movie (8)

Capítulo Final

This is almost what happened. Only this love story took place in Sydney and the characters were not Mexicans. The Sandoval family is actually an Afghan Australian family. Nevertheless, the events are real and I really had the impression that my life turned into a telenovela and when things got worse to a Bollywood movie.

Things were to complicated to work. ‘When you’ll find the right person, everything will be simple’ I heard.

This was clearly not the case. Meddling mother in law, well meddling family in law I should say. Parenting a child who wasn’t mine (even though I love him). Visa/job situation. Her traumatic first marriage.

At first, I thought that these ordeals shouldn’t stop me. I should face them. A marriage isn’t just about good moments, it’s for better or worse. And this is where we were heading: marriage. The point wasn’t to ‘go out’. She even gave me a deadline for me to propose (see Episodio 2 – The Ultimatum).

The problem was that after our sixth month anniversary, I wasn’t sure if fighting all these hardships was worth it anymore. Every month there was a fight. At some point, I felt that she enjoyed provoking them. Consciously or unconsciously, I don’t know. Was it her personality? Was she so insecure that she had to provoke fights to be sure I will come back? I even came to the conclusion that she wanted someone who will make her suffer, that she had a self-destructive behaviour. Her mother, her brother, her ex-husband, they all were tough and controlling and maybe I was too nice for her. I’m sure Freud would have something to say about that. 

The other theory was suggested by a friend of mine. I was telling him about these constant fights and that I was tired of it. Most of them were about me not being caring enough. Our final fight was about that. The day before our sixth month anniversary, she sent me an SMS. She got upset because my reply wasn’t long enough. Huh? After having told my friend the story, I started to question myself.

‘Maybe she’s right, I’m not caring enough.’

‘No I think it’s because of her mother. Now that she’s against your relationship, she’s pressuring her. That’s why she acts this way.’

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Maybe she sabotaged our relation because her mother’s approval was more important. 

After two weeks of not speaking or seeing each other, I took off my relationship status on Facebook. It wasn’t final though. We could always have tried again. I just did it because, at this moment, it wasn’t making sense anymore. 

To answer you, Azra, yes I was in love. Yes, I wanted to marry her.

So why is it the end of my telenovela/Bollywood movie? Because of this someone I mentioned in the last episode.

Who is it? Why her intervention changes everything? All the answers here.